


Helpless

by soullessfollower98



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Some Humor, fun times, levi freaks out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 00:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6681241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soullessfollower98/pseuds/soullessfollower98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three months into their relationship and Levi is losing control. He's screwing everything up, even his attempts to bring them closer together. Will he be able to mend things? Or has he already pushed Eren too far?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, first AoT fic! Hopefully this is as cute as I intended, and hopefully it's just generally not bad. First time I've written in awhile, and I'm planning on continuing.  
> Also - the title of this story is from Helpless by Neon Trees.  
> Alright! Enjoy! :)

He was fucking this up.

Goddammit, he was _actually_ fucking this up!

_Obtaining_ the boyfriend had been enough trouble by itself, but now, three months in, it was falling apart. Crumbling like the ashes of burned paper.

And it was all Levi’s fault.

Obviously. Of course it was. Why wouldn’t it be? The only thing he was good for was fighting - this emotional shit? No. God, no. Why, exactly, had he thought this was a good idea?

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and when he looked up from his paperwork, Eren was leaning in the doorway of his office, a small, soft smile on his lips.

Oh. Yeah. That was why.

Eren Jaeger just happened to be an adorable idiot.

_Fucking Eren Jaeger_.

“What do you need?” Levi asked, forcing his gaze back down to the papers on his desk. Looking at the kid, keeping eye contact with him - it would just make it worse. Just make him feel more guilty for screwing everything up.

“My training is over.” Of course Eren had come up immediately after training. Why couldn’t he be an asshole just once? “I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk? It’s a nice day.”

Levi wanted to say yes. Wanted to forget about the paperwork, forget about the Titans, forget about everything - because Eren could do that for him. This dumb kid could make him forget about the whole damn world.

But he had to say no. He couldn’t fuck this up more, couldn’t fire another canon at this ship.

“Sorry,” he muttered, and he didn’t have to look up to know that there was rejection swimming in Eren’s teal orbs. “This shit needs to get done today or Erwin will be on my ass.” 

_Technically,_ it wasn’t a lie. Levi, in all honesty, just didn’t care about _Erwin Smith’s_ wrath.

“Wouldn’t want him stealing my spot,” Eren said, and even though his words were joking, his voice sounded dejected. “It’s okay, though. I understand. I’ll ask Armin or Mikasa.”

Levi simply nodded, and he still hadn't even looked up. He was just keeping his eyes trained on one word - _the_ (fuck, it wasn’t even an interesting word) - and he wasn’t moving, barely even breathing.

It was silent for the next few seconds, then he heard a soft sigh, and finally, footsteps that got more faint as the time went by.

Ten minutes passed before Levi could lift his head, and when he did, it was just in time to look out his window and see Eren and Armin. The two were laughing, from what he could see, and he felt simultaneously hurt and relieved.

Relived, because at least Levi’s shit hadn’t brought down Eren’s mood.

Hurt, because he knew, he _knew_ , that if he had gone on that walk, Eren wouldn’t be smiling so much. They’d just walk solemnly next to each other, destination unknown, idle conversation moving awkwardly between them.

Levi forced his attention back to his work, his own mood significantly worse. Today, apparently, was going to be a _watch out for the Corporal, he’s being a shitface_ day.

* * *

 

God fucking dammit.

This was a bad idea. This was actually the _worst_ idea. Why did he think this would be anything but a failure?

Gritting his teeth, Levi made his way across the room, ignoring all the _blatant stares_ , and sat down next to Eren.

All the conversation at the table stopped. It was like they had all turned to ice in the exact same second, regardless of what they had been doing before. Forks were in hands, mouths were open. Sasha had a piece of bread hanging out of hers. And they were _all_ staring _right at him_.

“ _What_?” Levi snapped, and immediately, life presumed. Everyone looked away, continued eating their food, and ignored his presence.

Everyone except for Eren. He still happened to be staring wide-eyed at Levi, shock and surprise easily seen on his face.

_Why did he have to be such an open fucking book?_

“Are you going to watch me like that the entire time?” Levi asked, and there was an icy undertone to his words to cover up the inexplicable anxiety he was feeling. “The look on your face makes you seem like even more of an idiot than usual.”

At that, Eren frowned, and Levi wasn’t sure if he was glad or not. “You just don’t usually sit here. Why aren’t you at your normal table?”

“Am I not allowed to eat lunch with my boyfriend?” The use of the word _boyfriend_ made everything more awkward. Drew attention to the fact that they were dating, but yet somehow still estranged, and _fuck,_ this was the worst idea in existence. The ship was sinking - fast.

“No, what? That, that’s not-” Eren seemed frazzled, and Levi tried to ignore the _obvious_ peeking and watching that the rest of the table was doing. “You’ve just never done this before, okay? But it’s fine. Really. I’m happy you’re here.”

But he didn’t seem very happy.

Levi nodded, noted the way Eren’s smile seemed forced and fake, and looked away, down at his food.

Conversation didn’t pick back up. Just as Levi was accepting the fact that they’d eat in silence, a voice broke through and shattered it. Not a voice he wanted to hear, either.

“So…how old _are_ you, anyway?”

Connie Springer. Of course.

Without even looking up, Levi said, “None of your fucking business.”

And _that_ definitely did it. Silence encompassed the table until lunch was over.

* * *

 

Eren Jaeger was like a little kid.

He got grumpy when he didn’t eat. He was prone to temper tantrums. He believed that the world was good; that it was able to be saved. And he was absolute shit at staying up late.

It was pretty cute, actually. (Not that Levi would _ever_ admit that out loud.) The kid would just suddenly slump down - or drop, in certain positions - and then he’d be out cold.

Really, though, it made sense. Someone with so much unrelenting passion about _everything_ \- yeah, no shit they’d get tired.

It was Jaeger’s inability to stay awake that made Levi feel confident in going to his room about a couple hours after everyone had already settled in for the night. He hadn’t been bored or anything - paperwork passed the time more easily than he liked. There was still some left, even after hours of progress.

Finally, he made it to his quarters, and he quietly opened the door, planning to slip in the room and into bed without disturbing the most certainly sleeping Eren.

And that would’ve worked, too. If Jaeger hadn’t been sitting up in bed and fucking staring at him as soon as he walked in.

The two just watched each other for a few seconds - that felt like eternity - until Eren said, “Hey.” His voice was soft, and his eyes were drooping slightly. He had definitely made himself stay up later.

Levi couldn’t think of a single word to say. So he just nodded, walked over to his dresser, and began to take off his gear for the night. 

Each silent, passing moment felt like another crack in their relationship. Certainly, he had broken it. The lunch incident today had done it, had fucked them over for good, and Eren was going to ditch him, because why wouldn’t he, why would he-

Arms snaked around his waist and wrapped around him, and then he was being pulled gently against a strong, warm body. Instinctively he stiffened, casual touch still strange for him, even after three months. Before he could adapt, the arms were gone, replaced with a soft sigh that he could feel on the back of his neck.

“Do I have to go back to the dungeon?” Eren whispered then, and shit, how could Levi have fucked up this _much_? “Just let me share with Armin, or Mikasa, or Jean for all I care. I just don’t want to go back down there.”

Shaking his head, Levi maneuvered himself so the two of them were facing. They weren’t touching, at all, but Eren was still _right there_ , still so close. They were sharing space, sharing breath, and six months ago, Levi would’ve been disgusted at the thought. But now… Now he wasn’t. He’d changed. He had the capacity to change.

Just not enough.

“Shaking your head is a pretty vague response,” Eren murmured, his voice low. His eyes looked sad, tired, and Levi was repulsed with himself for being the one to cause it.

“No,” Levi managed, and he sounded infuriatingly broken. “No, you’re not… You’re not going back to that goddamn dungeon, you’re not going _anywhere_.”

Eren gave him a small, gentle smile, and he was struck with how beautiful this kid truly was. “We both know that I am going somewhere, Corporal.” No, no, _no_ , Levi had told him not to call him that months ago. “Help me get my stuff, at least? Armin won’t mind if I-”

“ _No_.” His heart was pounding in his chest, blood rushing in his ears. He didn’t know what he was doing. “No, Eren, you’re not _fucking leaving_. You’re staying right here, you fucking hear me? I’ll punch you in the goddamn face if you take a step away from me.”

“You don’t have to act like you care, Levi. It’s alright, I get it.” He wasn’t even _angry_. It was like he’d already accepted it. Whatever _it_ was. “You don’t feel the way you thought you did, the way we both thought you did. Emotions just aren’t your thing. I understand.”

Control of this situation was slipping through Levi’s fingers like sand, and he felt himself start to panic. Except he’d never panicked before, not this way, and he had no idea how to handle _any of it_.

“You don’t _understand_ , Eren.” His voice was lined with razors, and he couldn’t help it. “I fucking… I care too much! I care about you so fucking much! _Fuck_!” His hands were shaking. Everything was shaking. Jesus Christ, he was losing it, he was losing _him_. “I don’t know what the hell is going on, I don’t know how to _do this_. I care too much to lose you, you stupid fucking dumbshit, but I can’t stop screwing us over. I’ve ruined us, this is my fault, this is my fucking fault, I’m so fucking-”

Eren was kissing him. At the same time, he was gently grabbing Levi’s hands, holding them against his stomach, uncurling them from fists he hadn’t known they were in. Everything about it was just so _soft_. Soft things were a novelty in their world, their harsh, angry, blood filled world. But Eren Jaeger was a big fucking softie and Levi never wanted to lose any bit of him.

They moved away from each other a few seconds later, but not too far. Their foreheads were touching, breaths mingling yet again, becoming one. Levi was gripping Eren’s hands embarrassingly hard, but he didn’t want to stop, so he tried to ignore it.

“If you don’t want to lose me,” Eren said, softly, and everything about the moment was making Levi warm and tingly, “then you won’t.”

Levi closed his eyes, breathed in through his nose, out through his mouth. The taste of Eren was fresh in his mind, fresh on his lips.

“Trust me,” the boy continued, letting go of his hands so he could move his own up into Levi’s hair, “and I’ll trust you. Deal?”

Swallowing, Levi nodded, letting out a breath and a soft _fuck_ before standing up straighter, trying to compose himself. But Eren wouldn’t move away, instead choosing to keep the two of them pressed gently against each other.

“Your hair is soft,” Eren commented a few seconds later, and Levi felt an inexplicable amount of happiness. Happiness he definitely didn’t deserve.

“Your hair looks awful,” Levi replied, voice soft, and he locked his gaze with the boy’s. “When was the last time you bathed?”

“Probably about three days ago.” It was probably a lie, but Eren said it so _honestly_ that Levi just felt inclined to believe him.

And so, naturally, he pushed him the fuck away.

“What the fuck, Eren?” The boy just grinned, so Levi scoffed and turned away from him, back to his dresser to continue changing. “You’re not touching me again until I _see_ you clean yourself. Got it? Also, excuse me as I fucking eat a bar of soap.”

Eren just laughed from behind him, actually snorting a few times, and the disgusting sound was like music to his ears.

 


End file.
